Do you hear that?
That, my friend, is the sound of American preparation.
Americans everywhere are dusting off Ole Glory, stocking the coolers, scraping the grill, setting the table and rolling out the kiddy pool to celebrate a 239-year-old tradition. A celebration made possible by our forefathers. And how do we honor their sacrifices? With whoploads of food and booze.
In recent years, we have witnessed the return of fashion-forward foods. Gourmands and foodies everywhere relentlessly tweet and toot and twit their portion-controlled plates through every imaginable channel of social media. They bandy words like “elegant”, “posh” or even “exquisite” to describe their bite-sized, spring-mix crudités. Well, guess what, citizens? This holiday ain't for the modern epicure.
Hamburgers, hotdogs, brats, lite beer and a futile attempt to impress your friends with a homemade fireworks show. That's how the vast majority of urban, suburban and country Americans choose to fête the Fourth. Piling on unhealthy portions of gluten and mayonnaise-based side dishes is by far the best way to embrace America's independence.... or a cardiac arrest.
So belts off to you, America. Declare liberty from that "juice cleanse" you've been doing. Try to pile 1776 calories onto your plate and set your waist free from buttons. You deserve it.
Sometimes authenticity trumps stylization in food marketing. Consider stripping away overly-clever copy facades while leveraging classic Americana, just as KFC has recently done with the return of its iconic spokesman, the Colonel. Sometimes fried chicken is just fried chicken. Period.
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